never play flip cup with pint glasses
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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