I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
