Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize