Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Two words: blizzard sex
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
