I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
