I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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