I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
