I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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