All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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