My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
