Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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