just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
