I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
