careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize