Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So vagazzling was a success
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
