capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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