My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
