I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
