Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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