my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
