Your mouth is God's brothel.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
