You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize