Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
