If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
