I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So apparently I’m into choking now
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