If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
