Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize