My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize