she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize