question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
FUCK WHALES
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
