Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
