I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
