They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
