i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
