I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
