I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
