i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
