hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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