Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
