there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
do nipples grow back?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
