The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
