Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
