It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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