if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
