i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
