Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
