i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My vagina is officially offended.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
