Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
