Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
