He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
