i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pants are for mortals
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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