dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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