I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Drake has all the answers
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
