i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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