I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
