Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
