He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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