Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
