I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i came on her dog
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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