I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
