So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
zippers are such a cool invention
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize