So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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