I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im holly from the hills drunk
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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