that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
