Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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